New Poem Released
Anger, Comfort in the Pain @ Postpoems.com -- LovelyMissRai
( http://www.postpoems.com/cgi-bin/displaypoem.cgi?pid=746613 )
Anger, Comfort in the Pain @ Postpoems.com -- LovelyMissRai
( http://www.postpoems.com/cgi-bin/displaypoem.cgi?pid=746613 )
People often remark on how I always seem to be down about something or how negative I am on the outlooks of life but I actually wonder how many cares are behind the remarks; or is everyone just tired of me bringing them down all the time? When was the last time the same people remarking about it asked me to hang out with them and then ditched me, did not show, or just completely forgot about me? Probably within the last week. So my thoughts are, if you want me happier, maybe you should try being a better friend and stop trying to get my hopes up for something great to happen just once every few months. I understand people have their own lives, I truly do, but after a while I just get tired of bullshit excuses. I could die tomorrow and how do you think the same people would act who have treated me like nothing more than a play thing they could throw away and then get back when they wanted? They would act devastated. Exactly. But my thoughts are, if you are not wanting to make effort to show up while I am alive, do not even try to bother when I am dead. I would rather you not show up at all.
I have tried everything, almost beyond everything, to become this person that everyone wants me to be and some how I have lost something along the way. Lucky me, I also feel as if I have lost my soul somewhere in the midst of everything else. I have tried so hard to be understanding of why everyone does what they do, but half of the time I have no idea why when they cannot even begin to try to understand my emotions and concerns. I have tried to understand. I have put my heart and ass on the line for pretty much everyone and yet, I still get nothing in return. I just sit at home, alone, knitting while friends lie and say they are out with me when they have never made any effort at all to even show up at my house. Lovely story of my life there. Would it really kill people to travel another fifteen minutes to get to my house just to say hi? Apparently they think so. And it was fine, for a while. Until I realized I am just being used beyond all reasoning. And somehow, my family figured out it was okay to do this as well even though they have no idea friends do the same thing. It is like a conspiracy against me or something.
I have only a handful of people I talk to on a daily basis which is sad when I have over 100+ friends on Facebook, 60+ on AOL Instant Messenger, and 30+ on Yahoo Instant Messenger. Plus everyone knows my email from high school. When I try to write someone to make conversation, they say maybe three words and that be it. Frankly, I am starting to not give a damn about anyone. Why would I? Why should I, actually? I am becoming restless sitting at home all of the time simply because no one wants to ever hang out with me or do anything with me unless I get up at the crack of dawn and meet them out somewhere. Seeing of how I cannot drive (family issues with the whole driving thing), I cannot do that. So I am, yet again, sitting at home blogging and knitting on a Friday night due to a broken string of hope that I was going to be out and about having fun this weekend. Well, okay, I lied. I also have a Dean Koontz book to finish reading. Other than that, I really do not even have anyone to talk to. The people I was talking to already left for the evening to go out. No one thought to say, "Hey, would you like to join?" Sigh.
So I must say, if I am in a bad mood, down, or upset, maybe you should think about how you are treating me and realize that maybe, just maybe, it could be your fault. Just saying. And maybe to put me in a better mood, maybe you should stick by your word instead of getting my hopes up just to laugh behind my back later when the plans fall through. And maybe, just freaking maybe, you should try to make more effort to be a friend. It could be more awarding to you than not. I will not life forever. I could possibly die tonight. How would you feel knowing you would not have had the extra chance to prove yourself as a friend to me? Think about it. You never know what is going to happen, especially with me. The most crying at funerals is the regret in knowing you should have done something you did not before and now you will never get the chance again. Most people who can laugh and cry at the same time are those who actually made effort to be a friend and have so many stories to share. So...
Good riddance,
-Rai
I have tried everything, almost beyond everything, to become this person that everyone wants me to be and some how I have lost something along the way. Lucky me, I also feel as if I have lost my soul somewhere in the midst of everything else. I have tried so hard to be understanding of why everyone does what they do, but half of the time I have no idea why when they cannot even begin to try to understand my emotions and concerns. I have tried to understand. I have put my heart and ass on the line for pretty much everyone and yet, I still get nothing in return. I just sit at home, alone, knitting while friends lie and say they are out with me when they have never made any effort at all to even show up at my house. Lovely story of my life there. Would it really kill people to travel another fifteen minutes to get to my house just to say hi? Apparently they think so. And it was fine, for a while. Until I realized I am just being used beyond all reasoning. And somehow, my family figured out it was okay to do this as well even though they have no idea friends do the same thing. It is like a conspiracy against me or something.
I have only a handful of people I talk to on a daily basis which is sad when I have over 100+ friends on Facebook, 60+ on AOL Instant Messenger, and 30+ on Yahoo Instant Messenger. Plus everyone knows my email from high school. When I try to write someone to make conversation, they say maybe three words and that be it. Frankly, I am starting to not give a damn about anyone. Why would I? Why should I, actually? I am becoming restless sitting at home all of the time simply because no one wants to ever hang out with me or do anything with me unless I get up at the crack of dawn and meet them out somewhere. Seeing of how I cannot drive (family issues with the whole driving thing), I cannot do that. So I am, yet again, sitting at home blogging and knitting on a Friday night due to a broken string of hope that I was going to be out and about having fun this weekend. Well, okay, I lied. I also have a Dean Koontz book to finish reading. Other than that, I really do not even have anyone to talk to. The people I was talking to already left for the evening to go out. No one thought to say, "Hey, would you like to join?" Sigh.
So I must say, if I am in a bad mood, down, or upset, maybe you should think about how you are treating me and realize that maybe, just maybe, it could be your fault. Just saying. And maybe to put me in a better mood, maybe you should stick by your word instead of getting my hopes up just to laugh behind my back later when the plans fall through. And maybe, just freaking maybe, you should try to make more effort to be a friend. It could be more awarding to you than not. I will not life forever. I could possibly die tonight. How would you feel knowing you would not have had the extra chance to prove yourself as a friend to me? Think about it. You never know what is going to happen, especially with me. The most crying at funerals is the regret in knowing you should have done something you did not before and now you will never get the chance again. Most people who can laugh and cry at the same time are those who actually made effort to be a friend and have so many stories to share. So...
"Will you swear on your life that no one will cry at my funeral?"
-- Sixx:AM, Life Is Beautiful
-- Sixx:AM, Life Is Beautiful
Good riddance,
-Rai
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