Ugh...

I have been yelling at my friends lately, without thinking, about their dating lives. They seem to only chase things that will end up hurting them. Then I turn around and realize, I am doing the same thing as well. 

Something just keeps me hanging on to someone no matter how much I want to just give up and go on with my life. I've tried to move on, I've tried to get a new guy around, but I just can't. I guess a part of me would rather be in pain that actually find some way to be happy. But if I can't be happy alone, I can't possibly be happy with someone could I? Thus why I plan on staying single for the majority of my life. It just seems easier. Well easier in the long run. Right now, it pretty much sucks.

I'm not sure what hurts the most; being friends or just going on like he doesn't exist. I've tried both but I can't do either one. Every time we talk, it seems like my friends have to spend all night trying to pull me back together and the only time I'm actually happy is... well... never. I've been told don't give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about but honestly giving up may be the best option. I'm just not sure how to go about that. 

I keep moving forward two steps and then falling behind about twenty. I just don't know what to do and I have no one to really talk to about it since all my friends are tired of me hurting all the time... 

So really. What do I do? I'm out of ideas, tired of trying things that just won't work... and most of all, I'm tired of crying. 

"What do you do when your angels have all flown away? There's an ache through my body that won't go away." -- A Certain Cemetery, Pretty Girls Make Graves

New Poem: An Old Country Song

 An Old Country Song 

by Rachael Frye

Some days it's like nothing has changed at all
You seem to be around each time I trip and fall
You pick me up, take my mind away from the mess
Make me smile, make me laugh, relieve my stress
And when I've had a bad day, I run to you
Making me feel better is what you do.
My heart may be hurting with us being just friends
I guess that's what happens when being in love ends.

Cold nights, when alone, laying in my bed
Wishing your chest is where I lay my head
The wishing and praying is never enough
But I've got to stay strong and be tough.
The pain only hurts when I think about the past
We are solid proof that love will never last
As bad as it hurts me, I must move on
Forget about the love we had; it's gone.

My mind may be steady in thinking about you
And my heart may be telling me the love is true
But the reality of it all will hit before long
And it will be as sad as an old country song;
One of those by Conway Twitty or maybe George Jones
Maybe the one by Pasty Cline, "I'm Moving Along"
Maybe "Hard Candy Christmas" by Dolly Parton
Either way, it will never be forgotten.

The sad lonely tune will continue to play
During the night, during the morning, or day
Nothing I can do will made this hurt fade
This is the price that must be paid.
You fell out of love, now I'm lost without you
You left out west, what was I left to do?
I keep telling myself that I can't keep living like this
Life shouldn't be an old country song; it should be bliss.