I am going camping. (Not canoeing like I almost typed.) I have had no sleep at all really in the last twenty-four hours but in two hours, approximately, I am going to be loading up my gear, waiting for the fellow campers, then hitting the road to drive to the camp site. I won't know how the trip goes until after I get back--which I will blog about. I won't know how anything is going to play out because number one, I have never been there before; but most importantly, number two, I have never been camping before. But here I go. Should be fun. I am single, free, and I am going to do this to try something new in my life.
As I'm getting ready to leave for weekend, I already did most of the things I normally do so my duties are fulfilled and I won't have to worry much; it helps that I have a father willing to take over with my animals until I return home. My hair is now messed up, I am slurring and slightly groggy from lack of sleep, my makeup is smudged and smeared from when I went out earlier and I look in the mirror only to realize, I want a guy to accept me when things like this happen. I want a guy who will allow me to have lazy days and lay on him while he rubs my back and takes care of me and I will repay him later with the same thing. I want him to accept me being outdoors for a few days, without makeup, without a shower, without a nice outfit, and more importantly I want a guy who would do this kind of thing with me. It takes a lot for someone to be there through the pretty times but what about roughing it with only each other just for two days? Most guys couldn't do that and wouldn't.
So lately, I have been thinking about everything. What I want from life, what I need from life, what I want right now, and what is best for me later. I am slowly trying to better myself and make me someone I would want to be with. I want to be with someone whom I can talk to and will talk to me, not only about just feelings but about what is going on in life. I want a guy to let me know what's going on in his life and the details of his day, even if he didn't have much going on and the only interesting thing is what he had for lunch. I really want a relationship like that but I am waiting until it comes to me, not breaking my back trying to find it. Obviously me trying so hard isn't really working for me much. But that's okay. I am learning to be okay with myself. I an do this.
So I am leaving this blog with an open ending, I realize but hopefully something strange will hit me when my feet is in the water and I'm looking out at the scene. An epiphany is all I am hoping for at this moment.
Good riddance.
So lately, I have been thinking about everything. What I want from life, what I need from life, what I want right now, and what is best for me later. I am slowly trying to better myself and make me someone I would want to be with. I want to be with someone whom I can talk to and will talk to me, not only about just feelings but about what is going on in life. I want a guy to let me know what's going on in his life and the details of his day, even if he didn't have much going on and the only interesting thing is what he had for lunch. I really want a relationship like that but I am waiting until it comes to me, not breaking my back trying to find it. Obviously me trying so hard isn't really working for me much. But that's okay. I am learning to be okay with myself. I an do this.
So I am leaving this blog with an open ending, I realize but hopefully something strange will hit me when my feet is in the water and I'm looking out at the scene. An epiphany is all I am hoping for at this moment.
Good riddance.
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