"I don't go to church enough, I curse out loud, I drink too much, I'm more of a sinner than a saint. I got a dusty Bible on my shelf I just pick up when I need help. Lord knows there's a lot I need to change..." -- Jason Aldean, Don't Give Up On Me
I start to look back on the girls guys have dated and I realize I am nothing at all like them and it makes me wonder if I'm even good enough for anyone at all. It seems like the guys I find myself interested in have this high bar for women that I know I'd never be able to live up to, no matter how much I try. I feel like I have completely failed at life, even though I'm only 20--well, in 19 days I'll be 21--and I have no idea how to even go about fixing it. A guy that I've found myself interested in now makes me want to change everything. It's just hard when I can't even see if the pasture on the other side would be greener. I know I need to change things, oh how I know that. I'm just not even sure if I'm entirely ready to flip my life around and live it differently. I've been trying to slowly take steps to change things but I somehow always go back. I just want someone to accept me for who/what I am.
Who/what am I? I'm just a country girl with a gypsy soul. I can't make up my mind, my socks never match, I'd rather run bare feet on a rocky dirt road than strut around in high heels, and I love rolling up my pants to run through a creek chasing my pet duck in the summer. I'd rather a guy pick me up, take me to a drive through window to get some food, then park in the woods to eat while sitting on a tailgate of his truck watching the night; I don't want to have to worry about what fork to eat with, I'd rather pick my tomatoes off a sandwich and feed them to the birds. I'd rather a guy bring me redneck roses (wild flowers picked by hand beside the road) than actual long stem roses. Sorry, I'd pick my boots over anything else. Almost all my jeans have holes, I do wear flannel shirts, and I like a guy with a skoal ring and cowboy boots. The sound of a banjo and an acoustic guitar comfort me. I curse like a sailor and drink my beer from a can. I'd rather be in the hill going through mud holes on an ATV than in the mall shopping. I hunt, I hike, I roam in the hills, I enjoy being out there. I don't wanna change. People seem to want to change me or want to make me "better" by changing something.
It's hard for me enough being in the position I'm in. I mean, I'm losing friends it seems every day, I only have two friends out of the whole crew that will actually come visit me, I feel like I'm unpleasant to be around, and I start to wonder if that's why I just can't make anything work out with anyone. Am I not even good enough for friends? I mean is that why they won't come around? I know I have nothing much in common anymore with friends and they'd rather talk to someone who can relate, but I'm still here too. Sorry that I'm not in college and don't have a job so I don't know what you're going through... and sorry that you guys ditched me and drove me into depression so I can't even hold conversation... Sigh. I just seriously wish some people like that would open up their eyes and see that I try and apparently I fail. I just never seen myself as a college type even though I read all the time. Working? Well, we'll go on that subject for a different day. I just wish people would stop leaving me out. A few friends still talk about work to me and make it fun even if I can't relate.
Who/what am I? I'm just a country girl with a gypsy soul. I can't make up my mind, my socks never match, I'd rather run bare feet on a rocky dirt road than strut around in high heels, and I love rolling up my pants to run through a creek chasing my pet duck in the summer. I'd rather a guy pick me up, take me to a drive through window to get some food, then park in the woods to eat while sitting on a tailgate of his truck watching the night; I don't want to have to worry about what fork to eat with, I'd rather pick my tomatoes off a sandwich and feed them to the birds. I'd rather a guy bring me redneck roses (wild flowers picked by hand beside the road) than actual long stem roses. Sorry, I'd pick my boots over anything else. Almost all my jeans have holes, I do wear flannel shirts, and I like a guy with a skoal ring and cowboy boots. The sound of a banjo and an acoustic guitar comfort me. I curse like a sailor and drink my beer from a can. I'd rather be in the hill going through mud holes on an ATV than in the mall shopping. I hunt, I hike, I roam in the hills, I enjoy being out there. I don't wanna change. People seem to want to change me or want to make me "better" by changing something.
It's hard for me enough being in the position I'm in. I mean, I'm losing friends it seems every day, I only have two friends out of the whole crew that will actually come visit me, I feel like I'm unpleasant to be around, and I start to wonder if that's why I just can't make anything work out with anyone. Am I not even good enough for friends? I mean is that why they won't come around? I know I have nothing much in common anymore with friends and they'd rather talk to someone who can relate, but I'm still here too. Sorry that I'm not in college and don't have a job so I don't know what you're going through... and sorry that you guys ditched me and drove me into depression so I can't even hold conversation... Sigh. I just seriously wish some people like that would open up their eyes and see that I try and apparently I fail. I just never seen myself as a college type even though I read all the time. Working? Well, we'll go on that subject for a different day. I just wish people would stop leaving me out. A few friends still talk about work to me and make it fun even if I can't relate.
With all that being said, I just really realize that maybe I'm not even good enough to be a friend to anyone really. Since I have no one to relate to and all everyone does is put me down or make me feel worse about everything. Sigh. I guess stuff just happens sometimes.
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