So, a lot has happened within the last few days, sadly enough. I have realized the things I have been wanting to fix is not fixable and things are playing out just how they are supposed to. How do I walk away from something I have been wanting? It's easy when someone's life is involved. Since the guy broke up with me, he has gotten his career on track (which was supposedly the very reason he ended things with me in the first place), and some how I think he will be just fine without me. He no longer needs me there, so I am gone. I do not want to walk away but there are others who need my assistance. Maybe some day I will find someone who wants me there and has the desire for me as I have long hoped for. So I am traveling on, my heart may be broken but I am patching it as I go. I guess things seem to always have a way of working out even if we don't understand why it is going like it is. I am now on the look out for a tall male, age 20-25, drink/smoke is
optional, drugs is a major no, someone who can make me laugh when I feel like crying, and someone interested in me with me being interested in him. Obviously, that doesn't exist or I'd have it, right? Just saying. But it's time I move on from my last relationship. It will hurt, but it is time. I know it's not been that long, but it has to happen. The sooner I move on is the sooner I'll get out of this rut that I'm in hopefully.
So beyond being tired and having guy problems, or lack there of a guy to cause problems, I am having family issues. Big surprise to those of you reading this who actually know me. Go figure. So I don't understand how a daughter/sibling can call asking for money or call and start trouble but not ask how their own father is doing after his surgery. And even go by the house at least three times daily without even stopping in and the only time they stop is to check and see what happened down the road, not even asking about their own parent. I just really don't get it. And after all is said and done, they claim of how much they care and love said parent. I just really feel like smacking some people and telling them to wake the fuck up. But as my mother told me, "One day their number will be called."--whatever that may mean. Maybe she's meaning karma? We can hope, right? Hope that yanno, karma hits them in the face and breaks their nose or something. Sorry,
that was a little uncalled for.
Life isn't always bad though. I have a couple good friends who help me through the day, offering as much assistance as they can and my dad and I have a new understanding and connection for each other. He knows I am trying as hard as I can. Mom is now more appreciative of me and has a new view of me. Dad speaks more proudly of me than he has before. It feels nice to know they actually care that I care, in some ways that's almost as if they care for me, you know?
But I just felt the need to update, rant, and review.
Good riddance,
-Rai
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