Oh the days are getting long.

So I'm basically just updating my blog to make sure my TwitterFeed is working. But I also need to update, I suppose since I haven't in a while.

This week, lately, has been seriously crazy. Like beyond it. Sunday, I actually went to church for the first time in a long time. And yanno I had my spiritual renewal that I needed. I go out and help fix the food and everything and set up for their Annual Dinner (or Homecoming as they call it). I talked to some people I've not seen in a while, including three of my friends. All was well, I came home and felt a little bit better. Strangely enough, I've actually been kind of happy all week since then. Maybe that's a sign that I should start going to church again even though my religious views aren't exactly matching theirs or maybe it's a sign that I've fell off my rocker and need some booze. 

Yesterday, I woke up and had an email in my inbox saying that some poet guy wanted me to write a preface for his novel. I actually sent it to my friend Heather to get her opinion on it and we both agreed that it's most likely a scam or something so I deleted it. It kind of made me a little downhearted because that could be something I need to get my writing started. Know what I mean? Writing has been my dream since I was like fourteen. I want to write. I want to have my name in the books and it's not even about the money. It's just the feeling of joy knowing someone somewhere is reading that and seeing my name on the cover. If I knew the guy was legit, I would have totally done it. 

Speaking of writing, I'm actually starting on a new story! I don't know where it's going yet though. Could be a decent one. So far my main character has changed genders twice, changed names three times, and she still (really) has no idea who she is. Haha. No, I mean, I keep changing her but she really does have amnesia or something. I'll post it up when I get the first part of it done.

Ehm. Yeah, I'm starting to miss the most recent ex-boyfriend figure. I feel, in a way, like he and I should be together and frankly I've not given up on it and I say I won't for a very long time. I mean, I bring it up that I want him back but it doesn't seem to help matters any at all. It seems to upset him more than anything so I just kind of stopped bringing it up. My heart aches because it feels like he wants the same thing but I get confused. One minute, it's almost as if I'm the only girl in the world for him and the next minute I'm not. I've tried giving him space, I've tried to stay away, I've tried to stop caring, I've tried to do everything he said he wanted me to do but every time he pulls me back. I just... I don't know. I don't know what to do really. I'm fighting anger about the situation. I feel like screaming at him sometimes but all I can do is open my arms and my heart with a smile on my face then hold him and tell him everything's okay. I'm starting to think I'm trying to convince myself more of that than him. We've had some perfect moments lately and it's just in those moments, I get really upset because I know we could be more. I try not to pressure him and I'm trying to keep my distance as much as possible but it's slowly killing me. Sigh. I guess things like this happen, right? I don't know. Maybe I just need to slowly let him go as much as I hate to. I start to wonder if he would be better off if I did. I mean, I enjoy taking care of him and I care a lot for the guy but I just have no idea what he wants. I hate trying to talk to him about it because I have this whole fear of pissing him off thing. I really don't want to let him go and I'm kind of fighting here with what I've got left. It's just kind of one of those battles that I may not win... why I keep fighting, I have no idea. Maybe love is just a war within itself.

So after all is said and done, I did get a new friend today that found for me. I let him go though. He was so adorable. Until he tried to bite me. Being Elle Mae, I wanted to keep him but dad said no. Do you blame me? Look at this little guy...

A turtle my dad found. I set him free on the creek bank. :)

I hope he'll be okay. I don't want a snake to eat him or anything. Do snakes eat turtles? I have no idea. But that would seriously suck! He's a cute little guy. I personally wouldn't touch him... but I had to get him out of the driveway before someone smushed him. Yes, I know, I have a big heart for such a small person.

So it's actually time for me to get up and clean. I've been avoiding it all morning. I'll update again sometime soon.