I was laying in bed after a dream this morning, contemplating. Something has been eating at me since I was younger and it has yet to be revealed by anyone. The one person who knows, I texted and couldn't get a response. The dream has been chewing at me all morning. While reading, "The Dark Rivers of the Heart" (a Dean Koontz novel) I started to realize something during the whole reading session this morning and it was inspired by one quote from that book:
"The aura of evil that clung to these walls was the residue of a horror from the past, and there was nothing here and now to fear."
As soon as I read this quote, it is almost like my brain halted. I could not move to go on to the next paragraph. Although the whole scenario was different, I could relate with the characters basically because humans have demons in their past, horror and terror of events that occurred.
I realize, we all have things to hide. We all are running from something. We all have that plague that chews us at our very core. We all have that one thing that we just can't get away from, yet we still run from it. Some of us may have more than others. But we all have it there. Some demons are easier to face than others; some demons are destroyable and some kill us slowly, sucking out everything we have left. And yet, all we can do is pretend like we're starting over and try to create a new life without that said demon in it... even if it haunts us daily. We all have the vague understanding that if we run, the problem will go away--when in reality, it only seems to make it worse until the point of insomnia, depression, anxiety, and paranoia. Then those only give us more things to run from.
The point is, we all run but we never really go back and face what really happened. We never get that closure needed to get on with our lives so everything that even relates to the event eats us and always seems to come up when things are already going to Hell anyway. Although we may find that safe hiding place within the darkened shadows, our memory and souls still have the scars and even open wounds from what has happened. Even if it has been years prior to the current lifestyle. Changing something about you, even your name, will not keep what happened away. It will not make it fade and it sure won't make things better. We only do what we can to survive instead of fighting to make the life we want to happen without the past gnawing at us.
Running only makes you run more. It seems like an easy way out but the truth of the matter being, you will always be running. You will never be able to run and get free from the chains that tie you to the past. You have to face something head on and fight it until its death to get it to leave you alone and keep it from haunting you. And the truth of the matter is, you don't have to do that alone. You can have a loved one, friend, or stranger to help you. But you have to want that to go away. I am starting to realize, maybe humans are obsessed with the pain of the past. Without out, we may be afraid we will have nothing left after.
Think about it.
It's just a random thought.
I realize, we all have things to hide. We all are running from something. We all have that plague that chews us at our very core. We all have that one thing that we just can't get away from, yet we still run from it. Some of us may have more than others. But we all have it there. Some demons are easier to face than others; some demons are destroyable and some kill us slowly, sucking out everything we have left. And yet, all we can do is pretend like we're starting over and try to create a new life without that said demon in it... even if it haunts us daily. We all have the vague understanding that if we run, the problem will go away--when in reality, it only seems to make it worse until the point of insomnia, depression, anxiety, and paranoia. Then those only give us more things to run from.
The point is, we all run but we never really go back and face what really happened. We never get that closure needed to get on with our lives so everything that even relates to the event eats us and always seems to come up when things are already going to Hell anyway. Although we may find that safe hiding place within the darkened shadows, our memory and souls still have the scars and even open wounds from what has happened. Even if it has been years prior to the current lifestyle. Changing something about you, even your name, will not keep what happened away. It will not make it fade and it sure won't make things better. We only do what we can to survive instead of fighting to make the life we want to happen without the past gnawing at us.
Running only makes you run more. It seems like an easy way out but the truth of the matter being, you will always be running. You will never be able to run and get free from the chains that tie you to the past. You have to face something head on and fight it until its death to get it to leave you alone and keep it from haunting you. And the truth of the matter is, you don't have to do that alone. You can have a loved one, friend, or stranger to help you. But you have to want that to go away. I am starting to realize, maybe humans are obsessed with the pain of the past. Without out, we may be afraid we will have nothing left after.
Think about it.
It's just a random thought.
"It's a chain, iron chain, it runs through me, through my brain, my heart, through my guts, a chain, no way to get loose, no escape." -- Dark Rivers of the Heart, Dean Koontz
No comments:
Post a Comment