So I'm realizing that it is a wasted time when you fight with someone you love; the time you spend yelling at them is the time when you could be trying to love on them.
I love this guy with everything I am and can be. I could never imagine my life without him. Truth being? I think it is becoming mutual. I am trying so hard not to throw it away but my past prevents it. I get so angry for no reason. I throw a major hissy fit for no reason. I get depressed beyond everything for no reason. I need to change before I lose him like I have everyone else.
With that being said, I am completely and entirely exhausted this morning but my soul feels a little more healed. I figured out why I have so much anger lingering in it and I realize now that I just need to let go of it and say "Screw you, anger. Let me be happy." I realize it is more so dangerous than not to keep it inside me like it is some sacred artifact. So lets hope I can start doing that and just kind of slowly getting myself back to normal--or what I believe normal to be.
On another note in Rai news, I started writing a story a few weeks ago. Of course, I already quit on it for a while until I get some new ideas for it. I know, I could go back and add detail but you should rush an artist at work. This story was actually inspired, so to speak, by a Cannibal Corpse song. Yeah. Kind of scary, I admit. But I do not question my creative motives. As long as they stay in an artistic way and not come to life, I think we will be okay. So while I am trying to write this, I am actually going to work on putting some of my major works of poetry on my new author site. Of course, I have to make a new author site first. Which could be all talk more so than actually doing it. I have been doing a lot of planning lately but not acting. I need to start acting upon things. If not, before I know it my life is going to turn into nothing at all.
"I don't want to spend my life jaded, waited, to wake up one day and find that a lot of these years have gone by wasted. I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing, the still of the morning, the color of the night. I ain't spending no more time wasted." -- Carrie Underwood
I am going to start trying to be better; not only for myself but for everyone around me. I mean better in general. Let go of some of this hate for others, work on the hate I have for myself, and then see where it takes me. It is a slow process but I have someone willing to help me every step of the way. I do not want any repeats of my past. I do not want to lose this one because of my stupidity and my pride. It is time I stop and ask for help with the things I realize I just cannot do on my own.
This just all takes time--it is a slow healing process.
"Lord knows there's a lot I need to change. And I want to. You make me want to. You tie the knot when I'm at the end of my rope, you never stop beliving in me when I don't know who I am or what I'm supposed to be. I don't give ya no good reason but baby don't give up on me. I've smoked my last cigarette at least a hundred times I bet. I guess I'll just keep quitin' til it sticks. But for all things I've failed to do, I've never failed at loving you..." -- Jason Aldean
(this blog was uploaded by yoono for firefox)
I love this guy with everything I am and can be. I could never imagine my life without him. Truth being? I think it is becoming mutual. I am trying so hard not to throw it away but my past prevents it. I get so angry for no reason. I throw a major hissy fit for no reason. I get depressed beyond everything for no reason. I need to change before I lose him like I have everyone else.
With that being said, I am completely and entirely exhausted this morning but my soul feels a little more healed. I figured out why I have so much anger lingering in it and I realize now that I just need to let go of it and say "Screw you, anger. Let me be happy." I realize it is more so dangerous than not to keep it inside me like it is some sacred artifact. So lets hope I can start doing that and just kind of slowly getting myself back to normal--or what I believe normal to be.
On another note in Rai news, I started writing a story a few weeks ago. Of course, I already quit on it for a while until I get some new ideas for it. I know, I could go back and add detail but you should rush an artist at work. This story was actually inspired, so to speak, by a Cannibal Corpse song. Yeah. Kind of scary, I admit. But I do not question my creative motives. As long as they stay in an artistic way and not come to life, I think we will be okay. So while I am trying to write this, I am actually going to work on putting some of my major works of poetry on my new author site. Of course, I have to make a new author site first. Which could be all talk more so than actually doing it. I have been doing a lot of planning lately but not acting. I need to start acting upon things. If not, before I know it my life is going to turn into nothing at all.
"I don't want to spend my life jaded, waited, to wake up one day and find that a lot of these years have gone by wasted. I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing, the still of the morning, the color of the night. I ain't spending no more time wasted." -- Carrie Underwood
I am going to start trying to be better; not only for myself but for everyone around me. I mean better in general. Let go of some of this hate for others, work on the hate I have for myself, and then see where it takes me. It is a slow process but I have someone willing to help me every step of the way. I do not want any repeats of my past. I do not want to lose this one because of my stupidity and my pride. It is time I stop and ask for help with the things I realize I just cannot do on my own.
This just all takes time--it is a slow healing process.
"Lord knows there's a lot I need to change. And I want to. You make me want to. You tie the knot when I'm at the end of my rope, you never stop beliving in me when I don't know who I am or what I'm supposed to be. I don't give ya no good reason but baby don't give up on me. I've smoked my last cigarette at least a hundred times I bet. I guess I'll just keep quitin' til it sticks. But for all things I've failed to do, I've never failed at loving you..." -- Jason Aldean
(this blog was uploaded by yoono for firefox)
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