We are often faced with decisions that will base our lives. The choices we make will not only effect us but the the world around us. What do you do when you know right from wrong but what makes you happy defies every single moral standing you have set for yourself. I'm not the type of girl to randomly change my life--I have been known to do that and mess up in every way possible. I try to think things out now before I jump head first into the cold ocean, forgetting I can't swim.
Happiness is what you create. Some have said. Those people are just settling and still trying to find improvements in their every day life. Now that I think back to the moments in time of which I said this myself, I am starting to rethink the possibility that happiness is there... you have to chance it and chase it. You never know what is around the corner or who could change your life for the better. All you can do is hope you don't mess up so horribly that you can no longer retrace your steps and fix where you have went wrong.
All I know is that recently my life came to a halt and before I knew it I was staring at new pastures seeing the green grass, turning around and looking at my own to see only barren spots where grass and water were supposed to be. Love is strange like that. Its simple to train yourself to love another individual, to cherish them and hold them dear to your heart but what happens when you decide to break the training because you got a glimpse of what love is supposed to be. Even if you train a dog to sit, he won't sit unless he knows he will be rewarded after. I feel as though I have trained myself to love and the treats ans rewards are gone for the love I have chosen. I feel alone and scared. But then all the sudden someone takes me into his arms and life instantly becomes okay. I'm no longer scared, cold, or feeling alone. The look in his eyes tell stories of love for me that I only imagined when I was a child. I'm growing more confused and my longing for him grows wildly, the fire deep down is flaming out of control. I don't know his to stop the excitement or even if I'd want to.
The way he makes me feel is hard to explain. I am once again important. I am wanted. I have room to grow with him. I have someone who cares deeply for me. I can't just give up on the life I have now and chase that fairy tale of a dream, can I? And what would happen if I did?
Even the beauty and the beast needed time to create love and they lived happily ever after... after he tried to kill her father and make her life miserable ... maybe that's what's wrong with me. Fairy tales have trained me to believe love isn't always easy and isn't what its cracked up to be. Magenta rerouting my thoughts is a harder process than I had assumed it would be. All I know is that lately my life feels complete and I feel happy again with him. The dark days are over when. I see his eyes gazing hopelessly into mine and most of all, I started seeing my future in them. How am I supposed to live the life I have known for so long and taught myself to enjoy if he came along and swept me off my feet and isn't willing to put me down so easily... and the fact that I really do love it when he does it is making it unbearable.
Closing statement being, what I thought of love was wrong. It should come natural. It should just happened. You shouldn't have to make your heart love someone. It just should automatically.
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